abhi to main jawaan hun

a

bad day for decisions.

for food.

for money.

That's why i always pay off my de'b'ts. I mean dets.
The dets of anxiety...the depths of anxiety!!

Too many spaces always confuse me. So do too many engagements.

So today I decided it's a Sunday. Somehow the Sunday always dawns with an assertion which is more self absorbed than any other day. Since i don't have a job, or any other obligations to name apart from maybe responsibilities towards myself and other blah blah blah..., everyday can be turned into a Sunday. But the unit of the week reveals itself magically on the calender for the Sunday, which otherwise would have merged somewhere between light and dark.

Today I decided not to fall into the trap of the usual sleep mode after breakfast which has been the routine for most part of last week. So then must bathe quickly and get to the Sunday market. And then it happened. I found myself trying to catch up with the hours. I thought it was eleven when it was actually one. By the time lunch finished it was four, and by the time I was sleepy again it was only eleven.

Since I don't wear a watch sometimes I feel the hours start moving about like someone's shaking them up in a box. With a will of their own they seem to be playing a game with my head. And then the complex in me starts launching its rockets, and before I know it the fireworks have caused a headache, and there goes not only the day but any faint idea of constructive work.

I'm lost again. I thought the day started with a sense of purpose. So much for being young and wild and free.! abhi to main jawaan hun...